My scrap of dirt

I'm just back from Quinceañera, neutrally translated into "Echo Park, L.A." in French. The movie's brilliant, partly because it's bilingual Spanish/English and seriously, I love that - languages mixing, not only in a conversation, but within a sentence. Also the male lead looks really good, especially when he's shirtless (sadly I haven't yet been able to find caps of him shirtless online).

It's still somewhat of a mystery to me, how close I feel to the characters and the setting, even though I spent barely one week in L.A. and know nothing about being a Mexican teenager there. It still... feels familiar. The whole American culture. The way teens speak, what girls talk about. I probably grew up in the US in another life, that's gotta be the reason.

Somewhat related, just watching the trailer for United 93, which comes out tomorrow here, is scaring me a bit. The potential for pain is, like, HUGE. Scar just waiting to be opened again, and overall it looks like the kind of movie that gets to me. I'm bracing myself for angst, big time.

Also, since this is sort of a geeky/nerdy post... I've started Brave New World, and so far it's not as good as I was hoping for. I should go back to a book for school afterwards, but I kinda want to start The evolution man. Also, I should read in bleedin' FRENCH at some point. Seriously.

Interesting article about Veronica Mars and Buffy over here. Don't forget to read the comments, because they make extremely valid points. The cynicism of VM is actually something I enjoy, but I love Buffy's slightly hopeful outlook too.

This website keeps surprising me. It's called Faith in America and it's meant to fight religious-justified bigotry, basically by saying, the Bible was never meant to condone discrimination. I haven't had a chance to read through all the material, but the ads are pretty striking, to start with. I wonder what kind of impact it will actually have on Christians.

We've been going to the movies. I saw La doublure, which I really liked. Gad Elmaleh is adorable, and both girls were gorgeous. Plus, it actually was funny (not hilarious, but still). Yesterday was Rent, which I felt a bit unsure about because musicals aren't really my thing. I enjoyed it, and I have to admit the music's growing on me (we've been listening to the soundtrack ever since pretty much) though there's usually always one bit of the song that I like a lot less than the rest of it, which is too bad.

What's happening in Rennes (they're blocking the university for another week) is making wonder what's really gonna happen at my university. I should really go see what's happening tomorrow.

Oh, and littlegothsin - d'you want come to the Nuit Rose next weekend then? :)

You know what pisses me off the most about that article about the choice of Chad Allen to portray a missionary? It's that they would take the actor's life and previous movie choices as a reason why the movie really isn't that good. He's an ACTOR, for Joss's sake. It doesn't matter what he's done before, it doesn't matter if he's polygamous, it doesn't matter that he's gay, what matters is whether he is GOOD or NOT. What matters is whether he can potray that missionary in a compelling way. Argh I swear.

I'm just gonna stop reading now, that bit where he transcribes Larry King's show is just too much.

Talking about lovely, thoughtful Christian extremists, Christine Boutin was on France 3 the other night and I'm proud to tell you she hasn't updated her positions one bit - she was talking about gay parents (or "homoparenthood" as we say here, because we're much better at creating new words than doing anything concrete) and how that was just wrong. I love when she makes the difference between the "right to children" and the "rights of children" but then when the journalists points out there could be as many as 20 000 kids living with gay parents in France today (of course Boutin's first reaction is to deny and say there aren't that many - well we're still talking dozens of thousands, the journalist remarked right back at her), her reply is basically "well too bad for those kids but we can't help them". Oh really? Well what about the rights of those children? What about their right to grow up feeling accepted by society? What about their rights to have a secure family? Fuck it?

Good thing about that piece they did on gay parents that night? Well the piece that came before the interview was overall positive (though they keep interviewing couples that have children in coparentality - a gay man and a lesbian mom - rather than gay couples who decide to have kids, but who knows it might just be they can't find other couples willing to speak in front of the camera) and during the interview, the journalist (a young, black woman - Fan' wondered if something had happened to France) clearly force Boutin to be on the defensive side and challenged everything she said. Anyway. Overall good surprise, but boy those people (the "wingnuts" like the guy over at AfterElton calls them) tire me out sometimes with their anger and their lack of knowledge and their fear of change.

All right, so I've been asked by Elodie to start looking for LGBT movies suitable to be shown at la Nuit Rose, our annual LGBT movie festival. The festival is composed of 3 feature movies and 3 short movies, so I'm looking for both. And that's where I need your help.

Does any of you know a (fairly recent) feature or short movie that they really, really loved? What's the website / contact for that movie?

Any idea of where I can look for potential movies and contacts? (I've started looking through AfterEllen.com since they review a lot of movies.)

The movie can be fun or serious, it doesn't matter (we need both) but it needs to be good. *g* For example, last year we showed April's shower, Poster boy and Eating Out. And D.E.B.S is a perfect example of a movie that could be shown at the festival.

Thanks for any help you can get me. :) (I've made this entry public in case you'd like to direct anyone that could help to it.)

Joss, I'm posting way too much today.

Anyhoot, I've just watched The Hours for the first time. I loved it. Nicole Kidman does such an amazing job with the part of Virginia Woolf, and you totally forget it's Kidman to only see Woolf. Mostly I was most taken in by the story of Richie's mother, played by Julianne Moore. There was something that made me feel deeply uncomfortable about all of her sequences, and the kid's looks didn't help, but it's precisely why I found it compelling. It just seemed so sad at times, but the kind that tightens your heart, not the kind that makes you cry and you can walk away from once the credits roll onto the screen.

On a more shallow level, I was *so* happy to see Allison Janney (who plays Sally) in it!!! I love that actress. And I want to watch some more West Wing so badly!!! Still shallow, Claire Danes was definitely a treat in this movie. She's a talented actress, but I don't always find myself drawn to her. But here, she's just - charming. She's got this natural kind of beauty, a refreshing loveliness to her - she looks casual yet
(hence?) enticing. I think it's the hair and the clothes that make it all, but it's still amazing. (So yes, she deserves her own icon.)

Emotionally charged evening, in a unrelated to my life kind of way. I've started watching the Butterfly Effect and that movie has really caught my attention – I think I need to finish it before I go to sleep. It's just – gripping, really.

Then, watched the documentary Amerika, Amerika on Arte. It was about working poors, something that still baffles me. I remember that philosophy class last year where I had to remind Andover kids that some people worked two, three jobs in the US, and still couldn't pay the rent and feed their kids. The issue chases me deep down. I don't get it. Part of me wants to fight, part of me just can't, because I have classes, because I have to go somewhere. I don't even know where. It's not that I feel guilty for what I have that they don't, even though it does feel wrong that my dog should be better fed than a baby in a country like the US (not that it's not wrong my dog should be better fed than a baby from Bangladesh, just that Bangladesh has an excuse for not being able to provide welfare to its population – the US just doesn't). It's not guilt. I just can't think I, or anyone who cares, should become just as poor as those people – works the other way around for me. We need to bring these people up, give them access to books, education, cheap DVDs. Why do we download DVDs? We can't afford them. Who are we really kidding? You can't afford the whole world. Where should we stop? What's the limit? When does it become ridiculous that something becomes accessible, when you didn't really need it? How much do we really need going to a Firefly convention, having a 10 000 song playlist, buying a new CD player? Again, it's not about shame, or guilt. I just wonder about this system we live in – the system I live in. How much do I really need that Pink TV poster?

I'm annoyed at not being involved more in those things. At not being involved with the Green Party this year – I need to join again. Maybe that's why America holds such magnetism to me – I feel like there's so much to fight for over there, and I don't know why I don't have that drive as much here. What I need is just a demonstration. There's no way to describe how I feel in a demonstration for something I believe in. It's my place, I feel like I belong. I've run around a lot in my life, on a lot of levels. But as long as I can remember, demonstrations have always been some kind of haven to me – not the reason I keep going, but a reminder of what's important. What it all comes down to. Fighting, struggling. There are so many different battles. I don't know which ones I'm supposed to pick. I do wonder about that. I know requiring good social security for every American is more necessary than asking for gay marriage – yet I somewhat believe as strongly in those two things. It's funny how I watch this man who can't support his baby boy anymore trying to fight by joining a union, and they're in that food place and for a second I'm thinking – these people might just be total bigots. Fag's probably a common word for them. Yet I'd fight with them. There are some things that transcend others. Maybe that's what I dream of. Showing people that there is no such thing as a difference between gay and straight people - through fighting for something else, something that unites us. Probably it's a fantasy.

But as I stand there, having looked up Napoleon-related book for 4 hours at a library this afternoon, I just feel like I need to repeat what I mentioned a few entries ago. My literature teacher is idiotic, at least from what she lets us see. There are things that more important than understanding books correctly, speaking French absolutely perfectly, or owning all the right books, studying like crazy. That might just give us a job, sure. I just don't think it's the job I want. I've been struggling with myself trying to figure out my life. As a so-called smart kid who's obsessed like everybody else to "do" something with the smartness, as a young gay woman who wants nothing more but yell around she's gay and it's okay, as a young liberal woman who, quite ironical, wants nothing more than have kids and raise them, as young student who's being pushed like crazy. I know what I wanna be, deep down. I want to be that teacher who helps make kids' life a little bit better. I want to be that union worker who jumps up and down because a union has gained the right to be formed. I want to be that person who fights to ensure our planet's protected. I want, in my own little way, in my own little corner, to make a difference. I want to give people strength to fight, too. I want so badly and desperately to convince them things are worth fighting for.

I can't be stuck with that stiff knowledge Lakanal is full of. I'm not saying it's useless – it's absolutely not, and I value it, and getting to have access to it. Art seems useless in a materialistic way but I hold it close to my heart. I mean, Buffy has helped it make it through adolescence more than anything else. It's just – I don't want to make it my job. I'll leave that to others. In the end, I need to – make things matter. The only thing that scares me? I'm nineteen. I have no clue what's in store for me. I'm showing off on LJ with all my big principles and my ideals and I know most of them will be crushed. I'm saying all those great things about having strength and being involved but I don't know how to argue – I mean, c'mon, everybody ends up being more convincing than I am. Whenever we disagree on whatever topic, I can't even express my own opinion correctly to my girlfriend. I mean, thank Joss she understands me so well she gets my point without my having to explain it rationally, because I just can't seem to be able to do that. Truth is, point is – I want to be something I'm not sure I can be. I'm not sure I have it in me to fight for something openly. I feel good in a demonstration – can I speak in front of a whole assembly about something? Can I answer questions that question my beliefs? I don't know. I'm not sure. Actually, I'm pretty sure I can't. Especially the question part.

Maybe twenty years from now, I'll read this LJ entry again and laugh. Maybe cry. For now – I'll just go back to my telling myself I should get involved with the Green Party, I should take time to read things that don't have anything to do with school, but that matter to me in life, and it certainly doesn't mean they're less important than Flaubert. I guess it is something if I manage to keep that fire alive in me. If I keep believing.

If nothing we do matters,
then all that matters is what we do.


I don't think I can say it better than that. Let me just never forget that.

Just quickly, and this will probably be my only post of the weekend. Moving in, moving out, all that stuff? Hell. Trying to get the internet, a phone line, TV, Joss knows what, it's just so freakin' slow and complicated. If everything works out correctly, I should have some kind of connection in a week or something, which means I won't have one for another month, cuz let's face it, somebody somewhere is probably gonna screw something up. (That does very much include me)

Also, wish I could be reading all those cool books Antoine told me about. And finally finishing that text on relationships I started so long ago. And watching some S5 goodness. And sleeping. And - lots of things. *sorta exhausted sigh*

Hopefully will be seeing Sweetie, Manu and Alexia tonight. Dinner on Thursday was real nice, and seeing Antoine and Vanina on Friday was great too. I love how they work together. Anyway. Always feels really good to go and do some not Lakanal-related, though I've really exhausted myself and that's not good.

Saw "Salvador Allende" by Guzman yesterday, which is kinda ironic when you think about it. Anyway, really good movie about Allende, reminded me I'd like to read more about his theory and all. Well, not happening any time soon.

Oh, and I'd have a lot to say about my teachers at Lakanal and how much I miss Phillips' teachers, but no time for that, so - farewell.

Just because I loved it so much, I wanted to talka little bit more about Te Doy Mis Ojos. Everybody should go and see it, it's magnificent. And it pisses me off : each time I go and see a Spanish movie, I love it. I want to speak Spanish more. I need to find a way to keep the passion up... I dunno. I need a series or something. Or books. Anyone knows of really nice Spanish books?
Oh, also, especially directed at the_swordman, I can't remember the bad word they kept using in the movie "El bola" (I hope you've seen it)... it wasn't hijo de puta, it wasn't cuño (I think that's jerk, right?), and it annoys me not to remember. Other common bad Spanish words?

( Spoilers for Te Doy Mis Ojos )

Rode Glacier this morning. Was hard cuz we rode a lot without our stirrups, and I haven't ridden in a year, but I think I managed okay. Can't wait to ride Wednesday and Thursday afternoon to jump and gallop. I wish I could go into the woods, it's my favorite part with Glacier. Anyway, so the bell boots were exactly the good size (yay) and the saddle pad is a little short, but works fine. It's already dirty. My brother took some cool pictures and videos, and I took two really cool pics of him and Glacier. At the end I took care of my boy and went to put in his field, because he wasn't going to be ridden this afternoon. Yay. Aww. I love him.

On other levels, did I mention I should be studying? I still haven't watched Cruel Intentions and it annoys me, and I wish I had time to leisure-read, especially since fan_elune has left me really nice sci-fi books. Argh, should also try to find time to go see Les Choristes (I don't think it's out in video just yet, scarletsky21, is it? Also, am figuring things out. Thinking. Hmmm. Sometimes I do wish my teenage years'd gone another way, except, y'know, not. I think I'll try and go read some advice books in La Fnac, though I really shouldn't, because people who read those books are pathetic. But oh well. Point is, yeah, did I mention I would really enjoy a not-long-distance relationship? Too bad we haven't seen the end of the long-distance part just yet. Oh well. Gotta do with what you have, eh? Hmmm. The La Fnac idea seems really good right now, actually. Must ignore urges and read about WW2. Must read about the Iron Pact. Muuuust study.

We went to see Farenheit 9/11 yesterday night. I think Mike's style has changed a little bit, because we don't see him as much in the movie, and it's much more factual than experimental like it was before (ie, he tells you thing much more than he experiments them on screen for you - but considering the topic, it's understandable).

Anyway. It was, of course, a very powerful movie. All of you Americans should go and see it, regardless of what you think of your current adminstration. At least you can say you've seen it and made political choices being fully aware of the facts. ( Read more about the movie - SPOILERS )


On a whole other level, still haven't had the chance to see Glacier :-/ Should be trying out a gay bar tonight, hopefully weather will be good. Oh, and if anyone's seen the movie, do you know who performed the song "Rockin' in the free world" at the end?? I remember the title of the song but not the band who performed it!

Wheeeeeeeeee


So yesterday definitely had super good karma.

( read about yesterday some more, minus married couples )

And you know the best thing about today? Same-sex marriages are going on, and it's not a big deal. It's normal and it's happy and I love it.