"What used to be is just nowhere to be found"

[greenie_breizh]

I've started watching the Channel 4 series "Let's talk about sex". The whole series can be watched for free on the website.

- What annoys me is grown-ups who get their kids sex ed because they're uncomfortable with talking about sex and their kids end up paying the price for it. EVERYthing shows abstinence-only programs DON'T work, and I truly do not understand how parents can keep the wool so tight over their eyes that they would still go for that option rather than teach their kids to 1) protect themselves and 2) protect others.

- What the fuck are we doing about boys? It's so unfair how much of the burden rests on girls when mistakes are made. Moms tend to be more concerned about the sex life of their kids, and of their daughters in particular. But god, you need a man and woman to have a baby. There are boys in that documentary that say, if the woman doesn't ask for a condom, then they'll go without it. That's so many levels of wrong. Condoms shouldn't be the woman's responsibility, and I'm appalled that we're not teaching boys that. (Just had a thought - it's even more terrifying when you think of gay male teenagers because where's the woman to suggest a condom in that relationship?)

- I find it so hard to find a right balance, figure out what age is best to talk about what, and how graphically. I think we tend to be out of touch with how in touch some kids are with sex. The other day a friend was telling us about this 10-year-old girl she watches over and who watches porn sometimes at night - and her boy friends at school already download porn off the internet! Yet they won't be given sex ed for another what, 3 or 4 years at best. We don't want to shock kids but some of them are so ahead of us. How do you deal with the differences amongst kids? Because the average age for a first time is still around 17. It's such a delicate issue, especially considering parents are more or less uptight. But the more I think about it, the more it seems obvious to me kids should be told more explicitly about sex earlier on. In the end, what are we really afraid of?


EDIT : Interestingly enough, my own experience is little helpful. I cannot remember my parents ever giving me The Talk (they're not big on sitting their kids down and having Talks, I suspect), but condoms have always been a pretty obvious necessity to me. (Of course, there's a difference between being aware of protection and using it, and the catch is that I never had to make that choice of using a condom or not.) But it really makes me wonder where I did get my sex ed from, and I suspect that might be from books my mom brought home from her library. Note to self : must probe little brother's memory.

Comments

[gizmometer.livejournal.com]

In terms of age, my mom gave me The Talk when she deemed me old enough/the time to be right, which was, as I remember, about the time I started hitting the first signs of an early puberty - around fourth grade. Good timing.

Absinence-only and women's-responsibility sex ed make me cry!

[greenie-breizh.livejournal.com]

After having seen the first installment of the series, that sounds about right - 4th grade, or at least when puberty starts to hit, so you were about 9, right? It's all about having appropriate material for that age though - or are we too prude about it? Hm. Did your mom mention protection that early on then?

They don't make me cry, they make me want to smash things. Arghg.

[gizmometer.livejournal.com]

Don't think she did, she mostly just told me some mechanics and all. But she gave me some good books. :)

[noneofyours.livejournal.com]

For me, I already knew about it by the time my parent's tried to broach the subject with me. Which, granted, was a little odd. *shrug* I think that we need much better sexual education. The problem is that some argue if they do that, it's almost like you're condoning it. Which you aren't, but they will never get out of that mindset. It's almost a hindrance to sexual education in general, and I feel like that mindset will never go away, you know?

[greenie-breizh.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's odd - I think it's probably what happens most of the time, like we have sex ed classes when almost everyone knows about sex already. How old were you, d'you remember?

Ultimately the problem is with those people who associate sex ed with condoning sex, like you're saying. Two things bother me about the "condoning" thing - first, why shouldn't sex be condoned? Sex is a good, healthy activity for consenting partners. But then I know I'm running into a wall with all the religious types. The other thing is that everything shows that kids are having sex anyway, and I hate that those people are still "la la la not listening" about that. Kids are having sex. The best thing we can do is teach them how to have safe sex, or lock them up in castles which we don't have enough of, so. Tsk.

[noneofyours.livejournal.com]

I was probably about 13/14 years old? I remember being in the junior high, like 7th/8th gradeish. I jokingly say I was waiting for my mother to ask me for advice. ;)

I know. I hate that they're not listening. It's out there. It's happening. F****** face it already.

[petit-rhino.livejournal.com]

Well, my experience is not helpful at all either. My parents never talked to me about sex, ever. And I certainly didn't learn anything from school, except biology and reproduction. French people are such prudes sometimes.

I guess I learned about protection and such from books and tv (health shows, not porn!)? It was the start of 'Sidaction' when I was in the 6/7th grade, so there was lots of ads and talk about STDs.

[petit-rhino.livejournal.com]

For non-french people 'Sidaction' was an annual show on TV, to collect funds for research about HIV and AIDS (SIDA in french) and to inform people.

[roniabirk.livejournal.com]

I could swear I just polled about something like this the other week ... where is it? *sifts through entries*

A-ha!

http://roniabirk.livejournal.com/420325.html

Wow, that was nearly two months ago. It was the follow-up to my post about discussing sexuality with a young child. That's right.

[greenie-breizh.livejournal.com]

Ah, cool, I'd totally seen that before! Thanks for relinking :)

Btw - random, I know, but would you happen to own Where the Wild Things Are?

[roniabirk.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I do not have Where the Wild Things Are. It's probably strange that a parent doesn't have that in their child's collection, but I don't even remember reading it as a child, so there you go. Good luck in your search!

[grimma.livejournal.com]

I think I learnt everything from friends. Summer camps where the best place to learn (I cna expand on that if you want). My mom once bought me a book - I tried telling her it was ridiculous but she insisted without explaining.

Re: boys and the "burden" of contraception. You can't imagine how many guys go out with girls when they hope/know something will happen and don't have condoms with them. "I'll be careful" "I thought you'd have one". Well, fuck you! and some girls aren't better. They say they take the pill and regularly do blood tests!

[greenie-breizh.livejournal.com]

I can't believe guys don't carry condoms around like 24/7. Seriously. It's not like it's big at all!! And girls aren't any better, I totally believe you. *headdesk*

When you think about it, AIDS really is the one epidemic that proves how idiotic humanity is. On paper it should be so easy to radically reduce the number of cases of transmission...

[miss-kao.livejournal.com]

I don't remember my parents talking about this. The only embarrassing talk with my mother was about periods when I was 12 I think.
I just remembered the first time I heard about condoms, I think it was in biology when I was 14/15 (not very early !), there was a group of pupuils doing a presentation, and they showed a picture of a condom, not unrolled, and I felt stupid when I asked my classmate what it was. I think I had an idea of what it was already, but I could only recognize it if it was unrolled.
So yeah, I was very late with all that but I guess my parents knew they wouldn't need to talk about that, for some reasons. I haven't been very mature for things like that, maybe because we didn't talk about that with family or friends. And because we lived in the countryside, I wasn't very independant, so there was no way I was going to have sex early.
It's funny because I remember my parents talking a lot about how bad the cigarette was, and it worked very well, but I don't understand how they managed to not about sex and avoid problems. I think a was a good kid :) And the fact that I discovered laaater that I am a lesbian helped too, I never had to use a condom, in the end.