The puppy ep wheee!
May. 23rd, 2004 10:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenie_breizhI've found out that Ellen's coming out episode on the show "Ellen" (wow so much originality I'm gonna die) is called The puppy episode (Joss knows why) and so I've started reading and Joss, it has *hilarious* passages!! Kudos to that site for the transcript.
ELLEN
Did you ever go out with him?
SUSAN
(surprised) No, Ellen...
ELLEN
No, office romance, that's a bad idea I guess.
SUSAN
No. I don't date men.
ELLEN
Oh.(pause) Why?
SUSAN
I'm gay?
-----
ELLEN
You thought I was gay? Why would you think I was gay?
SUSAN
Oh, wow, sorry, I just kinda got that vibe...
ELLEN
(gets up and goes to the bar) Vibe? Like a 'gay vibe'? Like I'm giving off some kind of gay vibrations? GAY! (She puts loads and loads of ice into a glass) Yeah, that's funny. No, I think what you're sensing is a very, very strong 'I like men'-vibe and it's throwing you a little bit, so, you know, you're confused about that.
SUSAN
Ellen, ehm, the ice...
ELLEN
Ice. Yes. I know. Heterosexuals like ice.
SUSAN
Wow. I'm really sorry.
ELLEN
(striking a very 'macho man' pose, chewing on an ice cube) You know it's funny, because I think I know what's going on, it's not enough for you to be gay, you gotta recruit others, you know.
SUSAN
Yeah, I'll have to call national headquarters and tell them I lost you. Damn, just one more and I would have gotten that toaster oven.
------
ELLEN
Oh. Men, men. Why do I love men so much. (Ellen throws Richard onto the bed and jumps on top of him.)
CUT BACK to the BOOKSTORE.
PAIGE
You said that?
ELLEN
Yeah, you know, cause I was just so turned on from him being a man and me ... not being one?
----
ELLEN
You don't understand. Do you think I want to be discriminated against? Do you think that I want people calling me names to my face?
THERAPIST
To have people commit hate crimes against you because you're not like them?
ELLEN
Thank you!
THERAPIST
To have to use separate bathrooms and separate water fountains and sit in the back of the bus?
ELLEN
Oh, man, we have to use separate water fountains?
-----
PETER
Believe me, telling people is always hard. I remember when I first told my parents: I sat them down, I said: I've struggled with this for a long time, but this is who I am and I only hope you could be happy for me.
Then the next year when I entered kindergarten they were a hundred percent behind me.
----
Janine comes over.
JANINE
Hi! I'm Janine.
ELLEN
Listen, Janine. Hi. I just realized that I'm gay, so I'm not ready yet to start dating or anything.
JANINE
Well, good for you. I'm your waitress.
---
XVIII. NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS. A woman is sitting at a desk. Susan and Ellen are there.
SUSAN
Here she is!
WOMAN 2
OK, Ms. Morgan, I have just one question for you: Are you gay?
ELLEN
Yes, yes I am.
WOMAN 2
So you sign right there. (She hands Ellen a stack of forms which Ellen signs.) And sign here. And here.
ELLEN
Wow, I didn't know it was so complicated.
WOMAN 2
Congratulations! Susan! There is your toaster oven! (puts a Krups toaster oven in front of Susan)
SUSAN
Oh thank you so very much!
Will add more later as I am supposed to be writing a history paper and manage to make my way to the shower that's probably been taken over by over-excited seniors worried about the way their hair will look tonight. Whiiiiz.
Oh, also? Am pretty much done with the basic design of CDM's new version, which makes me a happy camper.
Have just added some more, lol, I can't wait to receive the books I requested wheee!! Also, history paper shaping up.
Did you ever go out with him?
(surprised) No, Ellen...
No, office romance, that's a bad idea I guess.
No. I don't date men.
Oh.(pause) Why?
I'm gay?
-----
You thought I was gay? Why would you think I was gay?
Oh, wow, sorry, I just kinda got that vibe...
(gets up and goes to the bar) Vibe? Like a 'gay vibe'? Like I'm giving off some kind of gay vibrations? GAY! (She puts loads and loads of ice into a glass) Yeah, that's funny. No, I think what you're sensing is a very, very strong 'I like men'-vibe and it's throwing you a little bit, so, you know, you're confused about that.
Ellen, ehm, the ice...
Ice. Yes. I know. Heterosexuals like ice.
Wow. I'm really sorry.
(striking a very 'macho man' pose, chewing on an ice cube) You know it's funny, because I think I know what's going on, it's not enough for you to be gay, you gotta recruit others, you know.
Yeah, I'll have to call national headquarters and tell them I lost you. Damn, just one more and I would have gotten that toaster oven.
------
Oh. Men, men. Why do I love men so much. (Ellen throws Richard onto the bed and jumps on top of him.)
CUT BACK to the BOOKSTORE.
You said that?
Yeah, you know, cause I was just so turned on from him being a man and me ... not being one?
----
You don't understand. Do you think I want to be discriminated against? Do you think that I want people calling me names to my face?
To have people commit hate crimes against you because you're not like them?
Thank you!
To have to use separate bathrooms and separate water fountains and sit in the back of the bus?
Oh, man, we have to use separate water fountains?
-----
Believe me, telling people is always hard. I remember when I first told my parents: I sat them down, I said: I've struggled with this for a long time, but this is who I am and I only hope you could be happy for me.
Then the next year when I entered kindergarten they were a hundred percent behind me.
----
Janine comes over.
Hi! I'm Janine.
Listen, Janine. Hi. I just realized that I'm gay, so I'm not ready yet to start dating or anything.
Well, good for you. I'm your waitress.
---
XVIII. NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS. A woman is sitting at a desk. Susan and Ellen are there.
Here she is!
OK, Ms. Morgan, I have just one question for you: Are you gay?
Yes, yes I am.
So you sign right there. (She hands Ellen a stack of forms which Ellen signs.) And sign here. And here.
Wow, I didn't know it was so complicated.
Congratulations! Susan! There is your toaster oven! (puts a Krups toaster oven in front of Susan)
Oh thank you so very much!
Will add more later as I am supposed to be writing a history paper and manage to make my way to the shower that's probably been taken over by over-excited seniors worried about the way their hair will look tonight. Whiiiiz.
Oh, also? Am pretty much done with the basic design of CDM's new version, which makes me a happy camper.
Have just added some more, lol, I can't wait to receive the books I requested wheee!! Also, history paper shaping up.
